13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do Summary

1-Sentence-Summary: 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do started as a personal reminder to not give in to bad habits in the face of adversity, but turned into a psychological guidebook to help you improve your mental strength and emotional resilience.

Favorite quote from the author:

When I started Four Minute Books, I decided to go through all the summaries I’d already read on Blinkist and write posts for those. This is the third to last of them. Two more, and it’ll be all uncharted territory from there. There’s a reason I waited that long for 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do. Knowing the history of how it came about, I wasn’t sure if I could deliver a lot of value with this summary. In hindsight, I’m stupid for even questioning it (you’ll see). 

The book expands on Amy’s famous article on Lifehack, has become a bestseller and was translated into more than 20 languages. After finally reading the blinks again, I’m happy to say that I can deliver the extra lesson or two (or three) that go way beyond what you can get from the article:

1. Complaining that you’re not getting something you think you deserve is a waste of your energy.
2. Eradicate your Facebook news feed and stop the comparison madness.
3. Finally learn to be alone.

Number 4 on Amy’s original list was not wasting energy on things that are outside of your control. This not only means not trying to change the weather, other people’s behavior, or the fact that you just got fired, but also not wasting energy complaining about it.

Every complaint is a serious waste of your breath and it’s a topic that keeps resurfacing in books again and again and again for a reason. Even if you think you really really deserve something (and you might), the world doesn’t owe you anything. The minute you believe it does, you’re setting yourself up for anger, frustration and bitterness.

For example, if you get a divorce and your spouse gets custody of your daughter, she might end up showering her with expensive gifts you can’t afford. You can complain about it, but it’ll only make you focus on the bad parts and try to control your ex-wife’s behavior. If you instead took that time to just spend it with your daughter and show her you love her, she would never turn against you. But if you’re busy fighting with your ex-wife and neglect her, you’ll probably indeed damage the relationship.

Speaking of content, there’s another thing Facebook can’t teach you. It’s okay to be alone. When was the last time you just sat on your chair, alone in your room, and did nothing? No phone, no reading, no TV, no music. Because that’s what being a human is.

Just being. We’ve completely forgotten how to do that, largely because our society condemns it. If you’re not active, you must be lazy. That’s why we’re terrified of being alone and turn to watching Youtube videos while eating, permanently listening to music, or texting 50 people the second we realize we’re about to run out of “buzz”.

I’m guilty of this. Only recently have I stopped watching shows while eating and started taking long walks without having my earbuds popped in. But being alone like that teaches you that the world doesn’t collapse when it happens and that you actually don’t need anything more.